"You Told Harpo To Beat Me"

Its amazing where I get my inspirations to write, just simply crazy. I was thinking about the movie Color Purple when Celie told Sophia's husband to beat her. Harpo was complaining to Celie that he did't know what to do with Sophia and out of nowhere Celie said "beat her". Later Sophia came to Celie and said, "You told Harpo to beat me. I had to fight my daddy and I never thought I'd have to fight my own husband, but I'll kill him dead". Everybody remember that scene and it has been part of many jokes. But how often does that happen? The parent or friend may not actually say the words "beat her" but in many instances they don't say anything. I remember calling my ex mother to tell her how her son was treating me, he got on the phone with her and I am not sure what she said but it must've been really funny because he was full of laughs.

I remember as a kid my brothers were at dating age. If my brothers girlfriends had problems with my brothers and they told my mom she would snap on my brothers. She demanded that my brothers respect the women they dated. My brothers girlfriends loved my mother because she didn't just take her sons side. My mom cared about their girlfriends and she now love their wives.

I heard one mom say to her son, "if you hit her in her mouth one good time she'll shutup." I didn't know what to think. My mom would never be a cheerleader for my brothers abusive behavior and I will never condone that type of behavior in my son.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VIRGINS

Every woman or man that stumble across this blog have not been victims of domestic violence. I was lying in the bed thinking about that when instantly I started thinking about the game of baseball. Don't ask me why. I don't have a clue. My focus is to converse with those who have been and who currently are victims of this heinous crime. While lying in bed this morning I thought about the domestic violence virgins, what would I say to them? I came up with this: ONE STRIKE YOU'RE OUT! Your relationship is not a game of baseball where you get chance after chance to get the opportunity to knock the daylight out the ball. First strike, you're outta here son.

Oprah said recently in her response to the Rhianna and Chris Brown situation she said "If he hit you once, he will hit you again". I so believe that statement. Once you accept the first lick I think your mate lose something for you. I am not sure what that is. Maybe a level of respect is lost, or now you're seen as weak to him when he originally thought he met a strong woman. Once he hit you and you allow him to stick around for the second in his mind he got you, he can do anything. Domestic Violence Virgins go out today and purchase a t-shirt that says "BRO, ONE STRIKE YOU'RE OUT"!

STOP HITTIN ME

The Old Me is Dead and Gone

Living in peace is an ultimate goal. Who wants to continue living in an abusive relationship? Who wants to continuously be told they are nothing? Who wants to be controlled by another human being? Who wants to be scared of their mate? Who wants to cry everyday asking God to free them from a bad relationship? What grown woman want to be treated like a child and whipped like a child who just said bad words and disrespected their parents? Who wants a mate that take control of the finances and spend it the way he see fit then lie about it? Who wants a mate that cheat constantly but you better not do the same or else? The same offensive words you hear on the street you hear in your own home. Who wants to get beat up and then made to have sex with their mate.

The bible says, "If any man is in Christ he is a new creature, old things are passed away, behold all things are become new."

I am a new creature because I am in Christ and because I am in Christ I understand who I am and whose I am. I know my worth. I don't have to put up with anyone that can't, don't or won't love me like Christ love the church. I can be by myself knowing that I will not be alone. I understand that if I allow God to send me a mate I will not go wrong. Christ died for me so I can have life and life more abundantly not a life of depression and constant pain. I don't have to stay in situations that are not in line with Gods will for my life. The old me is dead and gone therefore I will not accept anything that is in opposition of Gods word for my life. YOU don't have to stay!

SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY

Its hard to make progress in any area of your life if the people in your own home is working against you. I have seen a few awesome relationships that really came across to me as a team working together as one to accomplish something. I have always admired these relationships from a distance. I was on the outside looking in but what I saw I liked and wanted the same. In my search for a mate I never asked the really important question, is this person someone that could help me fulfill my dreams and goals? Everytime I start to work on a project that was dear to my heart my mate would react so strangely. It is a shame that I was afraid to dream out loud in my own home. Instead of him looking at my business ideas as a way to take our family to another level it made him jealous and angry. I was sleeping with the enemy.

The verbal abuse was terrible. To live in a house where the person that you sleep with every night tell you that you are nothing and will never be nothing was a nightmare. Then he wanted me to go to bed at the same time he was in bed to keep me from working on my projects. Why did he want to cuddle with a nothing? How many nights did I go to sleep crying while he held me close to him. I couldn't even go to the restroom without him asking where I am going. No matter what I tried to do to better myself he would sabotage it in some kind of way. He was so controlling. I didn't even think of this as a form of domestic abuse.

I often wondered if the marriages that I admired from a distance were going through the same thing. Its a legitimate question because I paraded around my family and friends like nothing was wrong. As a matter of fact if they read my articles it would shock them to a certain degree. Even as I sit in church sometimes I look around and wonder how many of the women there are miserable in their relationship because of domestic violence and not saying anything about it to anyone. Soaking in God's word and then asking him over and over Lord Lord is this man the one for me if not show me, even though he has answered that prayer over and over again.

I was sleeping with the Enemy! YOU don't have to stay

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WHY NOT ME?

I know I've done a lot of things in my past that most people wouldn't be able to deal with. That was a long time ago. I've changed a whole bunch. God is pleased with this work that He started. I went through a lot. I take full responsiblity for my actions. I could have gone a different route but I didn't. Are you going to make me pay for those decisions forever. You say you're proud of me but your actions don't necessarily show it. You prayed to God for me to change and your prayers were answered but for some reason or another you still don't believe in me. Why can't you see just a glimpse of what God see in me.

I shared many of my dreams with you because I respect you and you shot them down so quickly. Nothing I ever come up with makes sense to you. I have supported every idea, dream and vision that you put your hands to. Your goals are posted on my personal prayer list. I have been one of your biggest cheerleaders. I believe in you, you and you. WHY NOT ME, WHATS WRONG WITH ME?

I came to you with so much excitement when I couldn't keep my secret in anymore. I told you God has called me to minister. You told me to give it a year to make sure. I had been battling with this for a couple of years already and didn't know what to do with it. I thought it was a fake dream because I've been called a lot of things and to a lot of places but never anything in this magnitude, never a calling this strong. By me not being in my word like I should and believing in myself, I allowed your response to make me doubt if it was really a vision from God or just another one of my brilliant ideas. After talking to you I cried and cried. WHY NOT ME?

I told you about a business idea I had. It was huge and different in my thinking. I saw myself as a Virtual Personal Assistant to new pastors. After all I had been doing this type of work from home helping two pastors that I know have new ministries. I came to you with the idea because I respect your business mind. You told me that you didn't think it was something that could work because pastors want a more personal touch. Two years later I open up a magazine and a young successful virtual personal assistant was being featured. So many years of abuse and being told I was crazy and would never be anything, I needed that nod of approval from you at least this once because I admire and trust you. I came to your house with an awesome idea but I left your house with doubt and tears. I cried and cried. WHY NOT ME? WHATS WRONG WITH ME?

After years of beating the pavement trying to figure out WHY NOT ME, I made a huge discovery. WHY NOT ME? Yeah, why not me? God has brought me a long way. I'm smart, have a great heart, love the word, hardworker, a visionary, a dreamer, a person after Gods own heart, a go getter, a giver, a fighter, I love hard, a person of great faith, a survivor, I understand who I am and whose I am, and I clearly understand that its not over til I win. WHY NOT ME? If you can do it certainly I can too as long as I stay in my lane and do what God has called me to do. You don't have to believe in my dreams. If God gave it to me He'll help me through it. I am an EXCEPTIONAL Woman. Thank you for saving me Lord.