"He Tried to Tear Me Down, But I'm still Standing"

Listen Yvonne, look at me when I talk to you. This is from my heart because I love you. Do not allow that man to continue to hit on you, you don't deserve it. I know he don't do it all time. One time is too many. If he truly love you then he wouldn't treat you that way. I have walked in your shoes. I thought my ex hitting on me meant he loved me. I rationalized in my mind that maybe if I cooked more often and kept the house cleaner that he would treat me better. Girl one day he got mad at me for being on the phone too long. He told me that he didn't want anyone else to have me. I thought "wow, I've always wanted someone to want and love me like this". He took off his belt and whipped me with it, like I was his child. I bald up in the fetal position and just cried and cried. I begged him to stop. Afterwards he started crying. He said "I just love you so much, I don't wanna lose you". Then he commenced to have sex with me. I held on to him for dear life because in my own mind for him to start crying meant he must really care about me and didn't really mean to hurt me, it was a showing of his crazy love for me. I really didn't want to be alone either. I have all these bills to pay and would have to do it all by myself. "Its not that bad", I thought. "I'm a strong woman, I can handle it, he'll change or else".

Yvonne, on the days he wasn't hitting me he talked down to me and said the harshest things to me and to my baby boy. He told my son that he will never be shit just like his moma. Girl that hurt to the core. What did my precious 6 year old ever do to him? One day when I tried to leave, he held me and my baby hostage at gun point. He held us so long that he fell asleep. I opened the window quietly and jumped out. I ran to a neighbors house and called the police. Of course he called and apologized and I accepted him back. He use to bite me in my face and leave his marks. I gave him chance after chance in hopes that this would end, but it never did.

Yvonne, you are better than what you're going through. You deserve better. I understand what you mean when you say when he is not being the bad guy he can be so loving and fun to be around. I know you remember the first 5 months of the relationship when everything was everything and you want it to be like those days. Yvonne you didn't turn him into this abusive guy, he was like that before you. Yvonne this is your first time in this situation get out now. I have been in quite a few like this and sometimes worse than this. When I finally met a man that truly cared about me I thought he didn't love me if he didn't come across as jealous or possessive. I almost lost a good man trying to hang around to see if the old one would change. He didn't. I could tell you many stories but for right now lets just focus on your healing process. Are u ready? It was hard for me but I did it.

VICTIM OF IDENTITY THEFT

It happened before I knew it. She stole my face, my voice, my integrity, my good name. She embarassed me and my family. She also tried to have my son taken from me. She stole 9 years of my life. She took over my life. I met her one day and she shared her plan with me for utilizing me. She assured me that her tasks wouldn't take long. She convinced me that her strategies would acutally strengthen my capacity to raise my son. I couldn't believe that I welcomed, housed, and trusted a deceiver. She led me to believe that she was in my life to save me from poverty. That really caught my attention. She wanted to hang around the clock but I made a deal with her. I didn't want her around my son so I asked her to only show up after midnight and she agreed.

You may ask me why did I trust someone that stole my life? She was that woman I wanted to be. She came across as smart, hardworking, bold, strong minded, respected, fun, attractive, and energized. She always attracted attention. Men loved her. When she spoke people listened. She didn't take no crap. She was mission driven, and she didn't accept no for an answer. She was a make it happen person. She was creative and was respected in the business community. She was sexy and was not shy about it. Her name was Brandy. She told me that she was using that name in honor of my son Brandon, because everything she was supposedly doing for me was all about him and his future. She tapped into my heart on that one. Brandy was my altered ego and she was on a mission.

I let her in because I needed help. My sons father wasn't helping us financially. I was about to lose my apartment. The refrigerator was empty and my son was hungry. The guy I was dating was balling at the time and was paying the rent but he decided to move on. I needed and wanted help.

Brandys next moves affected the rest of my life. I would never be the same.

"I just wanna be loved"

Day after day women show up on the Maury show to either test possible baby daddies or to give cheating mates a lie detectors test. Women storm off the stage crying and screaming if the results are not in their favor. Today a young lady age 42 brought her boyfriend age 22 to the show to see if he has been cheating on her. She brought him on the show before and found that he was not faithful but she gave him another chance. Once again it was found that he has cheated over 50 times. The lady started to cry uncontrollably. Afterwards she looked directly into the camera and said "I am taking applications if you want to get with me, all applications accepted I don't care, I am available", her next statement moved me. She said "I just wanna be loved".

As soon as this lady said the words "I just wanna be loved", a picture of my past came cross my remembrance. I remember lying on my bed crying out to God asking Him to save me from the life I was living. I was screaming to the top of my voice "Lord I just wanna be loved, why don't anyone want to help me and my baby". At this particular time in my life I had never felt like I was significant to any one person. One of the reasons I was so happy to give birth to my son is because I wanted someone to call my own. I wanted to be important to someone. I was so desperate to be significant or the focal point in at least one persons life. I could not wait til my son was able to talk so I can hear him say I love you moma. I think he said those words before he could say ma ma or da da because I pounded what I wanted and needed to hear in his ear.

I was not a daddys girl. As a matter of fact my oldest sister was labeled my dads ace in the hole, lol. He didn't show favoritism but I can't explain what it was. He was in the household but in his own world. As kids we would always ask my mom who was her favorite and have joked about who is her favorite in our adult years. I don't think there is any question as to who that is now. There was 6 of us and I am the youngest. My mom spent a lot of time with us but for one reason or another I never felt like I could be in the top 5 of her favorites. Once I was old enough to somewhat hang with my brothers and make them my best buddies they each left home, later got married and soon had kids. My sister Sharon married and started having kids before I was old enough to hang out with her and make her my best friend.

I don't ever remember having a best friend where the feeling was mutual. I don't think I have ever heard one female say that I was her best friend. I had lots of one sided friendships. I have never been in a relationship where I was the only woman or even the main woman til I started dating my now husband. I have always been in search of that one person who would take an interest in me, sort of like a mentor. I just wanted to be special to someone, significant to anyone, and a blessing to everyone. Just like the lady on Maury, I put myself on the market, all applications accepted I don't care, I'm available. I just wanted to be loved.

DON'T TAKE THAT CLASS, RISE ABOVE

Your dreams are not in jeopardy. This is YOUR opportunity to utilize your creative skills. Whats missing? Whats lacking? What can be done better? What does the future hold? You know there is big talk about going green and money being invested in green technology. President Obama gave us a clue, Healthcare, Energy, and Teaching. This is a great time to enhance the skills and knowledge that you already possess. Listen to our President closely when he speak about where money is being invested for future projects and start brainstorming how you can take advange of it. I'm just saying don't get so caught up in the gloom and doom conversations. We are a blessed and favored people.

I read a statistic that said that men have lost 80% of jobs that has been cut. As a result, women are becoming the bread winners in many households. That very same thing happened in my house. The roles reversed. My husband has been cooking, cleaning, and doing all the things that I normally do and I have been working around the clock. We came to a conclusion that this was God's way of making us not take the others responsibilities lightly. We have walked in the others shoes so we can gain a greater appreciation for each other. As we received this revelation and embraced the purpose behind it we began to slowly get back in our original role, things are starting to happen, job opportunities are now flowing my husbands way.

One thing we have learned is that difficulty is not meant to destroy convenant and believe me when a family is struggling financially that can be a really trying time. This is a time to pull together and come up with a plan and proclaim that as for me and my house we will rise above.

This is a great market for community organizing, building non profit organizations, becoming social entrepreneurs for a greater cause. If you are interesting in starting your own business but can't afford it at this time, start with network marketing. Starting a homebased business could even help save money for your household. Opportunities are out there.

Choose to trust God in every situation and keep moving forward.