Saturday, February 28, 2009

"He Tried to Tear Me Down, But I'm still Standing"

Listen Yvonne, look at me when I talk to you. This is from my heart because I love you. Do not allow that man to continue to hit on you, you don't deserve it. I know he don't do it all time. One time is too many. If he truly love you then he wouldn't treat you that way. I have walked in your shoes. I thought my ex hitting on me meant he loved me. I rationalized in my mind that maybe if I cooked more often and kept the house cleaner that he would treat me better. Girl one day he got mad at me for being on the phone too long. He told me that he didn't want anyone else to have me. I thought "wow, I've always wanted someone to want and love me like this". He took off his belt and whipped me with it, like I was his child. I bald up in the fetal position and just cried and cried. I begged him to stop. Afterwards he started crying. He said "I just love you so much, I don't wanna lose you". Then he commenced to have sex with me. I held on to him for dear life because in my own mind for him to start crying meant he must really care about me and didn't really mean to hurt me, it was a showing of his crazy love for me. I really didn't want to be alone either. I have all these bills to pay and would have to do it all by myself. "Its not that bad", I thought. "I'm a strong woman, I can handle it, he'll change or else".

Yvonne, on the days he wasn't hitting me he talked down to me and said the harshest things to me and to my baby boy. He told my son that he will never be shit just like his moma. Girl that hurt to the core. What did my precious 6 year old ever do to him? One day when I tried to leave, he held me and my baby hostage at gun point. He held us so long that he fell asleep. I opened the window quietly and jumped out. I ran to a neighbors house and called the police. Of course he called and apologized and I accepted him back. He use to bite me in my face and leave his marks. I gave him chance after chance in hopes that this would end, but it never did.

Yvonne, you are better than what you're going through. You deserve better. I understand what you mean when you say when he is not being the bad guy he can be so loving and fun to be around. I know you remember the first 5 months of the relationship when everything was everything and you want it to be like those days. Yvonne you didn't turn him into this abusive guy, he was like that before you. Yvonne this is your first time in this situation get out now. I have been in quite a few like this and sometimes worse than this. When I finally met a man that truly cared about me I thought he didn't love me if he didn't come across as jealous or possessive. I almost lost a good man trying to hang around to see if the old one would change. He didn't. I could tell you many stories but for right now lets just focus on your healing process. Are u ready? It was hard for me but I did it.

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