"I just wanna be loved"

Day after day women show up on the Maury show to either test possible baby daddies or to give cheating mates a lie detectors test. Women storm off the stage crying and screaming if the results are not in their favor. Today a young lady age 42 brought her boyfriend age 22 to the show to see if he has been cheating on her. She brought him on the show before and found that he was not faithful but she gave him another chance. Once again it was found that he has cheated over 50 times. The lady started to cry uncontrollably. Afterwards she looked directly into the camera and said "I am taking applications if you want to get with me, all applications accepted I don't care, I am available", her next statement moved me. She said "I just wanna be loved".

As soon as this lady said the words "I just wanna be loved", a picture of my past came cross my remembrance. I remember lying on my bed crying out to God asking Him to save me from the life I was living. I was screaming to the top of my voice "Lord I just wanna be loved, why don't anyone want to help me and my baby". At this particular time in my life I had never felt like I was significant to any one person. One of the reasons I was so happy to give birth to my son is because I wanted someone to call my own. I wanted to be important to someone. I was so desperate to be significant or the focal point in at least one persons life. I could not wait til my son was able to talk so I can hear him say I love you moma. I think he said those words before he could say ma ma or da da because I pounded what I wanted and needed to hear in his ear.

I was not a daddys girl. As a matter of fact my oldest sister was labeled my dads ace in the hole, lol. He didn't show favoritism but I can't explain what it was. He was in the household but in his own world. As kids we would always ask my mom who was her favorite and have joked about who is her favorite in our adult years. I don't think there is any question as to who that is now. There was 6 of us and I am the youngest. My mom spent a lot of time with us but for one reason or another I never felt like I could be in the top 5 of her favorites. Once I was old enough to somewhat hang with my brothers and make them my best buddies they each left home, later got married and soon had kids. My sister Sharon married and started having kids before I was old enough to hang out with her and make her my best friend.

I don't ever remember having a best friend where the feeling was mutual. I don't think I have ever heard one female say that I was her best friend. I had lots of one sided friendships. I have never been in a relationship where I was the only woman or even the main woman til I started dating my now husband. I have always been in search of that one person who would take an interest in me, sort of like a mentor. I just wanted to be special to someone, significant to anyone, and a blessing to everyone. Just like the lady on Maury, I put myself on the market, all applications accepted I don't care, I'm available. I just wanted to be loved.